Autistic Adults NYC Group Rules

Group Rules

1. Who Can Join Our Events

A. Autistic Adults: Our events for members and online platforms are open only to post-high school Autistic adults 18+ (diagnosed or self-diagnosed).

B. Support: Members who need to attend a member-only event with a support professional or family must complete this form before each event (or support can complete it on their behalf), and their support person must read these guidelines.

Some events we hold (like Autistic Pride Day, or PAUSE events) may be open to all, please check the event description.

2. Respect Each Other

We are a diverse group of individuals with different backgrounds and beliefs. Advocating for your/others' opinions is encouraged, but in instances of disagreements, be mindful of the following rules. Additionally, other members might be unaware if they’re saying something hurtful, or being over-talkative and overwhelming. It's encouraged to be transparent and direct in our space. It’s also okay to distance yourself from group members and find others to connect with. 

A. Handling Disagreements

If someone says or does something that upsets or overwhelms you, we encourage you to share your perspective or let them know how you feel. If you feel you cannot respond without further harm to yourself or others, take a break before replying and/or reach out to a group leader.

Suggested techniques are oops, ouch, woah, or calling in/calling out.

B. Respect Boundaries

All members are required to respect any boundaries clearly stated (either in-person or in writing) by group members or AANYC staff/volunteers.

Ex: If someone says, “I’d rather not talk about that,” please respect their boundaries and do not push, complain, or make them feel uncomfortable.

C. No Retaliation or Disrespectful Behavior

No intentionally rude or disrespectful behavior towards other members

If a group leader has spoken to you about previous rule-breaking behavior in the group, you may not confront, retaliate against, or disparage anyone you believe reported your behavior.

3. No Hate or Prejudice

We prioritize the safety of marginalized groups in our space. You may discuss the below list of topics in a thoughtful way, but promoting hate is not allowed. For additional information, please read Civil Rights are Disability Rights.

We Do Not Allow:

A. Homophobia or transphobia

B. Misogyny, Incel ideology/terminology, any “manosphere” ideologies

C. Sexism

D. Racism, xenophobia, islamophobia & antisemitism

E. Ableism, eugenics, supremacy (Including towards neurotypicals and those with different support needs)

F. Shaming people for self-diagnosing or gatekeeping who is “really” Autistic

G. Broad generalizations about genders, neurotypes, or any other groups of people

(Instead of saying “all men are…” or “all neurotypicals are…,” use I-statements like “I do this.”)

H. Endorsing or minimizing violence towards self or others

I. Slurs

J. Any other language that encourages harm

4. Adult Content & Sensitive Topics

Many of us prefer not to engage in conversations about adult topics. Dark or inappropriate jokes may not be well-received or understood, and factors like age, gender, and power dynamics can affect how comments are received. Autistic individuals are also statistically more likely to have experienced sexual abuse and may find these topics distressing. Remember consent is important, and make sure your jokes/comments are welcome.

A. Keep it Clean

If you do not know someone well enough to know what they are comfortable with, keep conversations clean. 

B. No Explicit/Personal Content

Do not share personal sexual experiences, explicit or graphic sexual content, or comment on anyone’s body, either in-person or on our Discord.

C. Mind Sensitive Topics in Groups

In in-person settings, avoid potentially triggering or sensitive subjects (like religion or politics) unless everyone is comfortable discussing them. On Discord, sensitive topics should be posted in a thread under #discussion.

D. Respect Requests

If someone tells you they’re uncomfortable with something you’re saying or doing, or if anyone asks you to change the subject, please respect their request.

5. Connecting Outside of Events & Dating

Our goal is to encourage genuine friendships and bonds with others in the Autistic community. While making those genuine connections, it's just as important to make a space for everyone to feel comfortable. If you’re interested in connecting with members outside of events, chatting publicly on our discord server first is recommended to get to know others better and make sure everyone is comfortable. If you are unsure about anything, please reach out to a group leader!

A. This Is Not a Dating Group

This space is not for aggressive flirting or pick-up attempts toward one or multiple members. 

If you are found to be making members uncomfortable with repeated advances after being addressed by a group leader, you will be removed from our group.

B. Be Mindful Asking To Hangout or Get Contact Info (numbers, social media, etc)

Be mindful when asking to connect outside of events (platonically or romantically). From the recipient’s perspective, having to turn down repeated unwanted requests from different members can be frustrating and exhausting. We want our events to feel comfortable for everyone.

Remember our boundaries rule (Rule 2b): Always respect when someone says no, and treat an unsure response as a no.

For more guidance and examples, see: Connecting Outside of Events

6. Additional Online Rules

Our discord server and other online platforms are connected to our in-person community. Our intent is to keep our discord server a relaxed & communal environment. Before posting, think “Would I say this at an in-person event?” If you’re unsure if it’s an appropriate question/discussion topic for our discord, it might be best to find another place to ask. These additional rules apply to chatting in our discord server:

A. Intentional spam is not allowed.

B. Joining our Discord server solely to promote is not allowed.

C. Do not encourage harassment or discuss illegal activities. 

D. Do not send friend requests or DMs without first asking that person publicly in the server or at an event, or if they’ve chosen the “open to DM’s” role.

E. No ban evasion: If a moderator has permanently or temporarily removed you from Discord or Circle, you may not create a new account to rejoin.